Looking For A Chess Coach Willing to Pay $120/hr

@ciego How dare you speak like that to a warlord? I have dozens of castles so grand that you couldn't even dream of them. Nonetheless, you are mistaken. I am not here to find a chess coach to meet in person. The whole reason I sold three wives was to buy an internet connection. I might as well get an online chess coach. Come over to my place(s) any day. I have very fast internet, speeds up to 0.1kb/s.

Knowing my luck, I'll be on the opposite side of the river without a canoe.

I am a Nigerian Prince, heir to the treasure of the wondrous Magnus Carlsen. I have $10000000 cash hidden in the appendix of a lion I slaughtered with my bare hands. The only problem is that I am trapped in a prison, held by my captors solely because of my great wealth. The only way I can free myself is if you send me money. Not much, maybe a $1000 to pay my bail. Free me and half of my resources are yours.
*Including my sexy, rock hard body*

Please send me money and we can live happily ever after. Also, I am a looking for a chess coach. Willing to pay $120/hr, 137 cattle, 2 elephant tusks, the hand of my first child in marriage (regardless of sex), 721 diamonds, my left thumb, and 34 Playboy bunnies.

Contact me at the number 911 if interested.

@BigGreenShrek @cashcow8 @chess_rat @chessanalyst @ciego @claranow @fiveTimes @Frozenedge666 @grapejam @JiangoFett

Okay one second dialing 911. Do you have a address you want a cash card sent to? And what amount will pay your bail?

Please send all money to my prison located at the Kremlin in Moscow, my bail is $1000 dollars but more is appreciated. Also, please leave all important information such as Social security number, passport number, passport photos, birth certificate, home address, passwords, name of your 3rd child, the colour of your neighbour's wife's bra, etc. Please hurry!!!!!

This thread became very dubious.

@PawnRavager sorry, you're on your own